All things that are good, when bad, meddle with the heart, mind, and soul. The new Jaguar F-Type Coupe is so good that it’s really bad. Hell, driving it is so lustfully good that your conscience is confused, thinks that it must be wrong, that it must stop, that someone’s going to get caught. Full disclosure; I did get caught… In my defense, the F-Type made me do it!
Think of it like taking a spoon and scooping out a massive amount of Nutella straight from the jar. You know it’s wrong, but dammit if ain’t so freaking good! And as long as you don’t get caught, you keep doing it over and over again.
A drug, a bad habit, the 2015 Jaguar F-Type Coupe taps into the spine, into the cerebellum and takes over. Resistance is futile. JLR created a Borg that one wants to join. The F-Type is an addictive substance that no amount of cold turkey or patches can cut or control.
Coveting thy neighbour’s car
Or wife… I’m playing it kosher here. Your neighbour’s car is hot, sleek, sexy, and looks good dressed in anything or, so your imagination tells you, nothing at all.
The F-Type S Coupe is jaw-droppingly sensual in any colour or tone. The convertible is beautiful, but the Coupe has a dirty little smile at the corner of its mouth, a knowing smile, a manipulative smirk almost. The roofline makes the senses swoon. Seductive, the F-Type’s curves and hips make any man (or woman) weak in the knees and that ass… OMG! That ass with its thong-like twin centre-mounted tailpipes she wears so well! And those black heels… wheels, I mean.
The cabin is covered in soft fragrant skin, from head to toe, that is impossible not to stroke and caress. The dashboard is very driver-centric; every man loves to get attention from a pretty girl… Oddly, and like a pair of Walmart earrings, the steering-wheel mounted buttons are ridiculously cheap. All other controls and surfaces are high-class and clearly more than I can afford.
The deal
I’ll stop with the comparison to the neighbour’s wife as I suspect Editor Lightstone won’t appreciate it too much (lucky for you all if she actually left all that in -- sometimes she’s not all bad). What I know she appreciates (and will leave in for you all to appreciate as well), as I do, are the engine options that one gets with the Jaguar F-Type Coupe.
The base and S F-Types wield a supercharged 3.0L V6 that respectively yields 340 and 380 horsepower. There’s also an R that packs a wallop of horsies to the tune of 550 from a supercharged 5.0L V8. All engines are served by an 8-speed "QuickShift" ZF automatic transmission that sends power to the right wheels: the rear ones. It seems JLR has made things even more interesting with all four wheels garnering attention from the engine in future models. I like a good foursome…
Covering ground
My tested S was sublime and refined. Having just stepped out of a 2015 BMW M3, I was immediately struck by how measured every mechanical feature was. The 1st that leaped out was the Jag’s steering that felt directly connected to the front wheels -- a tenth of a turn made the front rubbers jump to attention.
Then, the ride quality of this 2015 Jaguar F-Type struck me. The Jaguar hovers above the tarmac with surprising ease and an inspiring level of comfort. This is a serious one-track-mind performance sports car yet it does not punish nor make you second-guess it as daily-driver choice, unlike my Bavarian friend. In fact, while driving the F-Type, I found myself thinking that it was more German (behaviour-wise) than the F80…
The supercharged V6 is perfectly suited to this beast. It does not overwhelm the front end with mass but it will overpower the fatty rear rubbers with loads of torque: 339 lbs of the stuff bullies its way to the rear tires and smoke shows ensue. That’s not the best part -- no. The sound, the glorious melodic reverberation from the tuned exhaust system is what will send chills down the spine, every single time.
The 2015 Jaguar F-Type S Coupe will launch to the ton in 4.9 seconds. The 8-speed autobox rapidly deploys its gears with precision and without perceivable delays. The wheel-mounted paddles are responsive and each downshift is met with a delightful throttle blip and ensuing exhaust burble.
Should you be curious, the R is ballistically bad, a straight up ticket to prison from which there will be no escape given the severity of the crime -- if you get caught.
A Dynamic mode can be selected to sharpen the F-Type’s reflexes; however, the Active Sport Exhaust button is the one that must be pushed. The true beauty behind this car is that it is an elegant comfortable coupé that doubles as a vicious crushing sports car -- I’d never bore of driving it.
Options?
While there are alternatives to the 2015 Jaguar F-Type Coupe, few are as well rounded as the Cat. The Porsche Cayman is the closest for prestige and pace, but not on the same level of desirability. The 911 Carrera fills that position, but is more “exotic car” IMO than the F-Type.
Otherwise, the BMW M4 (far more powerful) or Lotus Evora can do the job. On a purely emotional level, the Jag is something I’d be proud to call my own.
