Flip on the M Drive interface and make sure all is set to Sport. Tap the shift lever to the left, into the Sport gate. Take a deep breath. Now, mash the gas pedal and hang on for dear life. Look straight ahead. Concentrate.

A 5,400-lb SUV that scorches the earth with 555 horsepower is totally insane.

In only 4.6 seconds, you’ll hit 100 km/h and keep thrusting forward. In 12.8 seconds, you’ll have covered a quarter-mile while punching through the wind at 176 km/h. I just hope you’re not doing this on a public road.

And that’s the problem. A 5,400-lb (2,450 kg) SUV that scorches the earth with 555 horsepower and 500 lb-ft of torque is totally, absolutely, unabashedly insane. Actually, about the only thing even more unworldly than an X5 M is an X6 M, which has less cargo space. A vehicle like this can only be fully exploited on a race track, where you can push it to its limits.

The politically incorrectness starts under the hood with BMW’s new 4.4-litre, twin-turbocharged, 32-valve V8. It’s mated to a 6-speed automatic with a sport mode and paddle shifters, and the prodigious power is funnelled through an all-wheel drive system that’s rear-wheel biased, of course. Expect this engine to replace the 500-hp V10 in the next M5 and M6.

In Sport mode, the X5 M blasts off with nosebleed-inducing force, and the exhaust belches during every full-throttle upshift. Nice. In the normal ‘D’ position, the transmission is more relaxed, and the vehicle doesn’t feel as frenetic. Yet no matter how fast you’re accelerating, you always feel in control.

The fat 275/40R20 front and 315/35R20 rear tires stick to the road like crazy glue. That is, until the temperature drops below freezing point; then, you’ll need winter tires, which will cost you at least $2,000 and that doesn’t include spare rims and installation.

Towing capacity is 6,700 lbs, or 3,050 kg. Fuel economy figures are 17.0/11.9 L/100 km city/highway for the X5 M; our average is 17.2 L/100 km. Not that it really matters.

In Sport mode, the X5 M blasts off with nosebleed-inducing force.

This truck’s handling and braking amazes. The steering’s power assist is perfectly balanced, helping a lot during parking manoeuvres but letting you manually tackle high-velocity curves. A regular X5 already has sharp reflexes, and the M version is obviously even more agile, but like I said before, unless you’re as crazy as the X5 M, you won’t discover its potential on the daily commute to work.

This truck’s handling and braking amazes.

A roundup of electronic safety features are obviously part of the package: DSC-X, ADB-X, ASC+T, DBC, DTC, EBD, HDC, ABS and TPW. Pardon the alphabet soup.

The interior of the M is about the same as the regular versions of the X5, but with a few upgrades such as an anthracite roofliner, ‘M’ badging, a slightly different steering wheel and sport seats with more aggressive bolstering. It also gets 4-zone climate control and heated rear seats.

Our test truck also includes the $1,950 rear-seat DVD entertainment system, which places an LCD on a swivelling base on the far end of the front centre console. You can fold it down so it doesn’t get banged up, but when you do, you can no longer access the storage area under the front armrests.

This super-SUV also comes with a power tailgate whose lift height can be adjusted through the iDrive system so it doesn’t hit the roof of your garage when it opens. The day after we picked up the truck, the tailgate would no longer close on its own, and when we carefully tried to close it manually, like any owner would do in winter, the struts cracked; we had to bring the vehicle to the local dealer to get them replaced. Sorry, BMW.

The X5 M starts at $97,900, and our Monte Carlo Blue missile also included the aforementioned DVD system, the $4,500 Full Merino Leather treatment as well as the $5,500 Executive Package that adds soft-close doors, rear view camera, leather dash, head-up display, SIRIUS and sound system upgrade. Total is $104,350. If you prefer the X6 M mutant sports truck, it starts at $99,900.

The X5 M starts at $97,900.

That sounds expensive until you consider its competition: Porsche has the Cayenne Turbo (500 hp, $120,300) and Turbo S (550 hp, $152,200), while Mercedes-Benz has the ML63 AMG (503 hp, $97,500). The X5 M may lack the Cayenne’s off-road capabilities, but it costs less, and who’s really going to hit the trails in a Porsche anyway?

555-hp passenger vehicles are totally irrelevant in this time of environmentalism. Then again, those who are still driving around in their 1982 Pontiac Grand Prix are worse offenders in that regard. With performance and handling, interior space, all-wheel drive and aggressive looks, the BMW X5 M has all the elements to fulfill the needs of the wealthy indifferent and undecided.

The X5 M may lack the Cayenne’s off-road capabilities, but it costs less.