2006 Audi S4 quattro Road Trip Part 1

quattro Takes on the Rockies

But first, about 2400 km of Ontario, Michigan, Illinois, Wisconsin,

Ready for take-off... (Photo: Justin Couture, Canadian Auto Press)

Iowa, Nebraska (or is it Nebraska first and then Iowa... I couldn't really tell the difference) and the lowlands of Colorado stood between me and my destination: a few rounds on the slopes of Copper Mountain and seeing how well Audi's 4.2L monster in the S4 would deal with the freshly powdered, twisting canyon routes that lead up to some of the finest skiing in North America. I got through that big chunk of real estate without a hitch and a quiet, overnight stop in Madison, Wisconsin, where I sampled deep fried cheese curds for the first time at Old Fashioned in downtown Madison. Easily the food highlight of the trip; thank you, Wisconsin.

On

Fast-forward: the S4 poses in front of its final destination. (Photo: Jonathan Yarkony, Canadian Auto Press)

the long, lonely road to Wisconsin's capital, I had the pleasure of seeing how each state feels about the importance of its cross-state traffic. Michigan's I-69 stood out as being the biggest mess, where I could not lean my head against the headrest because it was like one of those silly body shakers they used to have as exercise machines--when was that, the '60s? It took about ten seconds to give me a headache in some stretches, so I took the neck pain over the headaches throughout most of Michigan.  Much of the road surface was buckled concrete with patches of rubber sealant holding it together, but one stretch was simply rolling asphalt that was literally bouncing me up and down almost perfectly in sync' with Weezer's Beverley Hills. I'm developing a theory that it is the Michigan state legislature's effort to fortify Buick sales, because no car with any sort of sporty pretensions will do anything but punish you repeatedly, at least on the stretch of I-69 that I drove. Brutal. Almost made me wish for the A8's adjustable air suspension... now where is that Comfort setting on this car?

Anyhow, if a car ever had sporty pretensions, the S4 is it, and it

See? It's so pretentious it's got its logos everywhere, even on the door sills! (Photo: Justin Couture, Canadian Auto Press)

is perhaps one of the most pretentious offerings in the sports sedan market. I mean, it's German, it's uptight, it's fabulously engineered and extremely conservative in looks despite being gorgeous, so why shouldn't it have a high opinion of itself. I have definitely developed a rather high opinion of it. It is amazingly stable and composed at all speeds that I experienced, and I have no doubt that it would be similarly composed at speeds above the legal limits in the various states I drove through, if one were to hypothetically attempt such a thing. No doubt whatsoever. As speeds increased, the S4 seemed to get sucked down into the pavement for mindbending traction and stability; since there is no tacky spoiler, aerodynamic credit has to go to the front lip spoiler and the under-bumper diffuser that also houses the quad tailpipes. Consider this mind bent.

Of course, driving along a series of interstate highways tests mostly high-speed cruising ability, suspension forgiveness, fuel consumption, my ability to stay awake and hold my pee, and the functionality of the navigation system. The results are as follows: amazing, punishing, draining, unblinking / twice every twelve hours and impeccable, respectively.