“Sick BMW 1 Series, dude!”
The local coffee-shop car crowd had swooped in for a closer look at the 1 Series M Coupé tester. The little rocket sled grabbed everyone’s attention a half-mile away with its exhaust note; the widened fenders, massive bumper venting apertures and four tailpipes sealed the deal.
“Yep, it’s a beauty” I replied, large two-milk in hand.
There were 10, maybe 20 acquaintances in attendance, some checking out the interior, others examining the layout of the vacuum lines, intake system and other bits under the hood.
Awkward silence followed. But I knew what was coming.
“So, like, can I take it for a spin? I’ll be careful, I promise”.
I barely trust myself in cars like the 1 Series M Coupé. It’s got 335 horsepower. It’s got a manual gearbox. It’s painted ‘radar-bait orange’. And I’m sure some people in business suits in Germany wouldn’t be too pleased if I tossed the keys around, anyhow.
“Um, no, sorry. They make me sign a lot of paperwork saying I won’t do that”.
Awkward laughter.
“But really, Justin, it’s not like I’m going to break it. And my cousin’s roommate’s aunt’s boyfriend had a BMW I drove once too”.
“No can do, sorry—but I’ll take you for a little ride if you like?”
“Um, well, actually, I think I have to go home. I’ll catch you later.”
So, I was off the hook for burning my own gas. But I know there was some disappointment.
Most other friends wouldn’t ask. One or two did, in private. Same answer. Same result.
I felt half bad. Sort of. But it’s my job, so I can’t screw around. One slip-up, and I’d be making a pretty terrible phone call to BMW’s head office.
But being asked for the keys is part of the job. Here’s a list of some of the more creative ways I’ve been asked to give them up. And my answers.
What:Porsche 911 GTS
Who: My best friend Matthew. I’m his little girl’s Godfather.
Question: Hey, Pritchard, me and the wife are going to Costco and Home Depot. Can we borrow the Porsche?
Answer: Haha, no. I’m not allowed. Its $130,000. You’ll get it impounded anyways. You drive like a maniac! There’s no room in it for groceries and home reno supplies anyhow. Sorry dude.
What: Shelby GT500
Who: My friend Rickard. The ultimate haywire gearhead if one ever existed. Drives a Nissan Silvia with probably 350 horsepower. Painted primer grey.
Question: Yo, dude, can I borrow that car for a day or two? I won’t take off the mufflers or drift it into a curb, I promise. Decides, you can borrow the Silv, it’ll save you some gas money.
Answer: Um, dude, it’s probably not a good idea. I know how you drive. And I’d be in trouble if the thing came back with the tires fried off of it. What’s that wrench for, anyhow?
What: Ford SVT Raptor
Who: My brother, a proud Toyota truck owner that spends his weekends doing less-than-advisable things with his buddies and their rides on off-road trails.
Question: You should let me take the Raptor out for a mud-run this weekend with the guys. I’ll let you know how it does.
Answer: Didn’t you fry your clutch trying to pull out one of your buddies out of the middle of a swamp last weekend? What about the time you needed a 3 am tow out of a 4-foot deep mud hole? Nice try, but no, you can’t borrow the Raptor. I think Ford wants it back in working condition.
What: Cadillac CTS Coupe
Who: My mom
Question: Honey, that sexy Cadillac is blocking my Accord in the driveway. I have to go to the store for some veggies. Can I just take the Cadillac?
Answer: Er, you know I love you right Mom? Maybe I’ll just move it for you…
The local coffee-shop car crowd had swooped in for a closer look at the 1 Series M Coupé tester. The little rocket sled grabbed everyone’s attention a half-mile away with its exhaust note; the widened fenders, massive bumper venting apertures and four tailpipes sealed the deal.
“Yep, it’s a beauty” I replied, large two-milk in hand.
There were 10, maybe 20 acquaintances in attendance, some checking out the interior, others examining the layout of the vacuum lines, intake system and other bits under the hood.
Awkward silence followed. But I knew what was coming.
“So, like, can I take it for a spin? I’ll be careful, I promise”.
I barely trust myself in cars like the 1 Series M Coupé. It’s got 335 horsepower. It’s got a manual gearbox. It’s painted ‘radar-bait orange’. And I’m sure some people in business suits in Germany wouldn’t be too pleased if I tossed the keys around, anyhow.
“Um, no, sorry. They make me sign a lot of paperwork saying I won’t do that”.
 |
| Photo: Mathieu St-Pierre/Auto123.com |
Awkward laughter.
“But really, Justin, it’s not like I’m going to break it. And my cousin’s roommate’s aunt’s boyfriend had a BMW I drove once too”.
“No can do, sorry—but I’ll take you for a little ride if you like?”
“Um, well, actually, I think I have to go home. I’ll catch you later.”
So, I was off the hook for burning my own gas. But I know there was some disappointment.
Most other friends wouldn’t ask. One or two did, in private. Same answer. Same result.
I felt half bad. Sort of. But it’s my job, so I can’t screw around. One slip-up, and I’d be making a pretty terrible phone call to BMW’s head office.
But being asked for the keys is part of the job. Here’s a list of some of the more creative ways I’ve been asked to give them up. And my answers.
What:Porsche 911 GTS
Who: My best friend Matthew. I’m his little girl’s Godfather.
Question: Hey, Pritchard, me and the wife are going to Costco and Home Depot. Can we borrow the Porsche?
Answer: Haha, no. I’m not allowed. Its $130,000. You’ll get it impounded anyways. You drive like a maniac! There’s no room in it for groceries and home reno supplies anyhow. Sorry dude.
What: Shelby GT500
Who: My friend Rickard. The ultimate haywire gearhead if one ever existed. Drives a Nissan Silvia with probably 350 horsepower. Painted primer grey.
Question: Yo, dude, can I borrow that car for a day or two? I won’t take off the mufflers or drift it into a curb, I promise. Decides, you can borrow the Silv, it’ll save you some gas money.
Answer: Um, dude, it’s probably not a good idea. I know how you drive. And I’d be in trouble if the thing came back with the tires fried off of it. What’s that wrench for, anyhow?
 |
| 2011 Ford F-150 Raptor (Photo: Ford) |
What: Ford SVT Raptor
Who: My brother, a proud Toyota truck owner that spends his weekends doing less-than-advisable things with his buddies and their rides on off-road trails.
Question: You should let me take the Raptor out for a mud-run this weekend with the guys. I’ll let you know how it does.
Answer: Didn’t you fry your clutch trying to pull out one of your buddies out of the middle of a swamp last weekend? What about the time you needed a 3 am tow out of a 4-foot deep mud hole? Nice try, but no, you can’t borrow the Raptor. I think Ford wants it back in working condition.
What: Cadillac CTS Coupe
Who: My mom
Question: Honey, that sexy Cadillac is blocking my Accord in the driveway. I have to go to the store for some veggies. Can I just take the Cadillac?
Answer: Er, you know I love you right Mom? Maybe I’ll just move it for you…