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BMW Alpina B7 - questions answered

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Justin Pritchard
BMW’s exclusive, rocket-powered luxury spa, the Alpina B7, recently spent a week in your writer’s grubby paws for a test drive, review, video shoot and photos.

Over the course of said week, the B7 accompanied me to the grocery store, gym, shopping mall, and through a hectic weekend wedding as the bride and groom’s big, pricey and ridiculously fast wedding-photo shuttle.

Planning to own one of these big comfy missiles? Here’s a look at some of the questions you’ll likely face—and some of the answers your writer provided to them.

“That thing’s enormous?” – Lady in mall parking lot

Enormous indeed. The B7 is effectively a BMW 750i under its skin—so it’s huge, comfortable and roomy for four adults. Thanks to its nearly 17-foot length, even a pair of passengers at well over six-feet-tall apiece can sit comfortably one behind the other.

“What’s the Alpina package, exactly?”
–Businessey-looking guy hosing off his Lexus at the car wash

In a nutshell, BMW sends their 7 Series off to Alpina’s German factory for some upgrades. The North-American specification of the B7 adds a body kit, unique exhaust system, a spoiler, upgraded interior components and special wheels with high-performance tires. Under the skin, Alpina also tweaks the engine with revised programming and enhanced cooling system parts, re-tunes the xDrive AWD system for more rear-wheel power bias, and fits reinforced axles—among other things.

“What’s under the hood?” –Harley Davidson owner smoking outside of local coffee shop

It’s a 4.4-litre V8 engine with direct injection, variable valve timing and twin turbochargers with liquid-to-air aftercoolers. Added up, it makes 500 horsepower and 516 lb-ft of torque. That’s 100 ponies more than the standard car.

A twin-turbo V8? It must love gas! – His buddy

Surprisingly, it’s decent on fuel. Not Prius decent, but a whackload better than you’d expect for a land-going, all-wheel drive cruise ship with as much horsepower as four compact cars. How’s about 12 L/100 km during highway travel at a higher-than-advisable clip?

Sick rims bro!! Them twenties?? Can I be in your rap video? —Saggy-pants, sideways-hat kid in a Ford Escort with obscenely loud exhaust

Twenty-ones, actually. And no.

Where are the rocket launchers? –Bridesmaid from weekend wedding

It doesn’t have any—but there is night vision, radar-guided driver assistance features, and a heads-up display. Apparently, the B7 had a fighter jet somewhere in its ancestry.

That’s gotta be worth more than my house? –Groom

Yes, it is—if your house cost less than about $152,000.

Photo: Don Richer

What a beast! How fast is it? –Owner of mid-nineties 3 Series at the gas station

Extremely! With 100 more horsepower than the already-quick 750i, the B7 positively leaps forward at any romp of the throttle. Jam it out of a light, and a whiff of turbo-lag precedes torque-rich acceleration that body-checks passengers into their seats. Any notable amount of time at full throttle once moving will blast the B7 to far beyond the speed limit, so caution is strongly advised.

***Check back soon for a full review, video test drive and photo gallery***

Justin Pritchard
Justin Pritchard
Automotive expert
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